A Series Of Unfortunate Mondays

For when I like to read past my bedtime and jot things in notebooks when I shouldn't be.

santatveit:

going back to school after a break is like when you pause a video game to go pee and when you come back you forget how intense and chaotic everything was when you paused it and the second you unpause it all your enemies collectively punch you in the face

(Source: hectorstaco, via whataremonsters)

http://magicalmanhattanproject.tumblr.com/post/93214336182/davidthadeer-bryanchoppertagteam

a-corner-of-my-universe:

davidthadeer:

bryanchoppertagteam:

magicalmanhattanproject:

if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and…

I would just like to take this moment to share, one time my friend Kyle made a status on Facebook cracking jokes about sluts, and I responded with “wow! I fucked everybody and you still didn’t make the cut!” And it crushed him. Shut him down! And like a big boy he got over it and we’re still friends.

(via the-space-cows-keep-mooing)

yolownly:

homeostasis-central:

richwhitelesbian:

we need some new and more powerful swears

image

the elder swear

(via gameof-throwsyou-outthewindow)

bagmilk:

ONLY DEAD PEOPLE KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN U DIE AND THAT FRUSTRATES ME

(Source: heteroh, via prospitswhitequeen)

burqalicious:

if youre attractive and you talk to me first, chances are im very confused

(Source: maahammy, via departured)

weteevee:

I don’t friend zone people, I relationship zone them. You wanna be my friend? Too bad, we’re dating.

(Source: flygoing, via gnarly)

Anonymous said: what's wrong with brushing curly hair? (sorry everyone i know has straight hair but i see you complain about brushing it a lot and i just don't know what happens)

agentrodgers:

Okay, these pictures were taken last year, back when I had longer hair, but they’re still relevant.

Curly hair without brushing:

image

Curly hair with brushing:

image

Anonymous said: Why are all your poems about girls. Are you trying to write from a boys point of view? I think that's really creative and I've never seen that in writing before! You're going to go far with your poetry :)

towritepoems:

I’M A HUGE LESBIAN

interquast:

perftag:

oh u “LOVE” ur newborn child???? name 3 of their albums lmfao

1.) shitting while peeing and crying at 3am

2.) warbled noises

3.) loud high pitched shrieking wails that dont stop for hours

(via jackkharknss)

helpfvl:

praying that i will be hot this year

(via frazerburnslemons)

tramampoline:

Favourite jokes

  • Referring to any four-legged animal as a weird dog
  • Massively underestimating the number of nearly uncountable objects
  • Massively overestimating the number of clearly countable objects
  • Bad puns in TV episode titles

(via loonylunalovegood97)

pieandhotdogs:

elderleaves:

spamanos:

zeus took fuck, marry, kill way too seriously

"IT’S ‘FUCK, MARRY, OR KILL!’ ‘OR!’ NOT AND!’ WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

— Hades at some point probably

I laughed way too hard at this.

(via quitecrazy)

earthtonataliee:

olafurneal:

myangelshunter:

I was just watching ABC News and they were talking about “Binge” watching TV Shows on Netflix and they explained

"Binge watching is defined as watching at least 3 episodes in one day."

Awww, how cute

I’ve finished entire seasons in a day…

*tumblr collectively laughs*

(via quitecrazy)

bombing:

doctor: the operation was a success

me: i didn’t ask

(via moistbottom)

supersmashthestatebros:

no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

(via ant0rm)